chels0rzzz

i never write in here

2007-05-27T01:34:08Z

i never write here anymore.
so, yeah.

i went to the movies again today.
didnt see him. or "bryce" as gina and i
came up with.

i have acne on my face.
apparently my eyebrows are all fucked up
just when i thought they looked decent.
oh well. at least when people describe me
they can be like, yeah the fat mexican girl
with acne and fucked up eyebrows.
sounds great.

jacob says he really wants me to move in with him.
when we get older, that is.
hopefully he will still feel that way in a couple
years. cause i really would like living with him.
i still feel like he is mah big br0 :D

even though ive had some horrible days this week
im pretty content.
and i can thank gina for that.
im gonna try and write more often.
it feels good.

plans

2007-04-28T20:25:38Z

i finally have plans for what i want to do.
well, next [school] year ill be a sophomore
and ill be on dance team so ill pretty much
be busy with that.
my junior year i plan to also stay on dance
team. maybe (vocal lessons too?!)
my senior year, if i can handle school, dance
team, and a job i will do all three. If not
ill just do school and a job because im going to
need money!
haha i would like to learn guitar though.
after high school i plan to go to a community college.
im not too stoked about going to a university and
whatnot.
so yeah, ill go to SAC (san antonio communtiy college)
and ill become a nurse. or something in medical.
i plan to move back to riverside, ca and work at
kaiser. that would be pretty sweet (:

man,

2007-04-24T00:40:39Z

i never write in this piece anymore.
shit.
a small update;
i just got back from a dance team meeting.
we got our first shirts for the year(:
on the front it say sv silver spurs dance team
and the back is pretty tight
says all of our names.
yay.
it made me realise
im actually going to have a life next school year
(which starts in september)
double yay
oh i got my nose piereced.
i actually like it.
people at school keep asking me,
"did it hurt?" ive been asked that 23942835920823
times but it doesnt really bother me.
gina got her belly button pierced.
i bet its cute on her.
not on fat ugly bitches like me.
but anyways.
i ate a lot today.
its pretty embaressing.
you know what i just realised?
i think what bothers me the most about food
is i know exactly how many calories i am putting
into my body without even looking at the back.
thats not good
ive memorized things i eat a lot.
i can tell you calories, carbs, fat frm calories.
but i also look at protein.
as long as its good for me.
i have a new crush, ralfie.
he's super cute.
im having one of my friends talk to him i think.
yeah.
mmkay wellllll
im pretty content i guess.
nothing too bad going on right now.
5 weeks of school left.
im going to califorina in june.
but only for a couple days=/
oh well. better than nothing?

holy sugar

2007-04-10T01:23:47Z

i havent written in ages.
i thought this shit would help
but its not helping if i dont use it.
well heres a little update.

i made dance team.
michael and i broke up because im
a dumbass.
but i need to be single.
it just feels better.
idk

im doing horrible in school
sometimes i think about
smoking and drinking again
because i have nothing else going
for me.
would i really care if i died tonight?
idk
maybe.
i feel so weird again.
i feel like i dont belong anywhere, once again.

marissa and her family came to visit.
they showed nothing but disrespect, so fuck that.
im not friends with bitches.

im loosing weight finally.
and i finally got over the whole thing about
trying to be THIN.
im over it.
i am no longer convinced i am fat.
of course, i know im not skinny.
but im not fat.
whatever.

so right now
im basically infatuated with will,
the drummer from prom night.
hahaha.
he doesnt know it yet.
nobody does.
except gina.

im gonna go call her.

nope

2007-03-19T01:09:12Z

i take that back.
im not happy with it.
oh well.
someday.
im a fucking wreck.
i need gina.
wheres my fucking phone,

i think

2007-03-13T01:08:06Z

im finally happy with being fat.
i think ive finally given up.
hopefully.

:D

2007-03-11T22:16:28Z

things are getting better.
and im really really happy.
i had 4 hour dance workshops today
and yesterday.
hopefully im doing better.
im doing a lot better in school too.
which is pretty nice.
this weekend is pretty much going to be
AMAZING.
thursday ill hang @ kamerons house
and catch up with people.
friday, THE EARLY fuckin NOVEMBER:D
the rocket summer.
good stuff, plus i get to see michael.
saturday i think im going to
six flags, or as these texans call it,
fiesta texas.
sweeeet.
sunday relaxation time.
cause that week is tryouts.
so yah.
im ready.

and i swear

2007-03-11T02:11:02Z

i have never hated myself more than i do
tonight.

every single word STILL explains me:

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

i just love

2007-03-11T02:07:45Z

how it still bothers me.
why?
idk.
i want it to stop.
faaaack.
=l
not good!!!!

i havent written a song in the longest time.

2007-03-04T17:23:40Z

so here goes nothing.....

And in a couple of days
This page will just be lingering
I'll throw it away
and these words will mean nothing, not a thing.

I'll give it a new name, memory.
and it will tell the story
of how you met me.
How your fingertips met mine
and it didnt mean anything but lies.
how i figured out your real name,
beautiful disaster, youre driving me insane.

my best friend isnt doing any better
but her and her guy, i know they will get there.
this room you gave silence to
makes me shake with*

i stopped right there cause i had to clean.
and i couldnt think anymore.
ill come back to it later.
but i actually like this one so far. (:

well,

2007-03-04T02:32:29Z

"hope for the best, prepare for the worst."

this isnt for the best.
and im unprepared for the worst.
=l

and i swear he still means the world
to me.

i can relate

2007-03-03T14:05:35Z

to every single word of this song.

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

mmmmm

2007-02-28T19:40:32Z

i wrote this in an earlier blog,
and i get to cross some stuff out:D

i am going to make a list of everything i want to accomplish:
~~-loose weight~~
-make dance team
and become a better dancer
-eat healthier
-find a boy
-remember things that i have learned
-learn as much as possible
-get straight a's
-be even nicer
~~-dont get in any fights~~

yaaaaaaaay

K so,

2007-02-28T19:34:15Z

i have a boyfriend now (:
michael.
he's in one of my brothers bands.
although, i dont think he is going
to be in that band anymore
they are all a lot younger than he is.
but they are all tight.
im happy
i finally found someone
he is honestly everything ive looked for.
but im afraid we might have moved
too fast.
we knew each other for a week,
talked like crazy.
and ended up together.
im afraid its too soon.
im afraid its all too perfect.
he said he's never kissed a girl.
but how can you have a three month
relationship, and not kiss her,
and yet we have been out for four days
and we have already kissed?
im scared.
i dont think it is going to last.
i have a strong feeling he is going to
get sick of me.
just like the rest of them.
he will get sick of me
get rid of me
and ill be back to square one for a long
time again.
single isnt that bad,
but relationships are nice too.
i really like him. and i want this to last.
but i have a feeling it wont =/
i barely get to see him
since he goes to my old school.
but, we dont live too far from each other.
hopefully, on the weekends we can see each other
more.
i was supposed to go see him at lunch today
but my mom left without me.
i hope he doesnt think im just making up excuses.
faaaack.

if ive learned

2007-02-26T00:45:11Z

anything.
it would be to never
trust my family.
they have never supported me
through anything.
my dad cares, but my mom
ONLY does what she has to.

tonight my brother promised to take
me to see michael.
i got ready. and when i went to go ask
him if we were still going,
no.
he was too busy talking to god only knows who.
fuck him.
i swear to god if he doesnt take me
to band practice with him tomorrow
thats it.
ive had it with his shit.
you dont just tell someone ill take you
and then later on just say oh, i dont feel like it.
FUCK!!!@#?
fuck my family.
the only true family i have
are my friends.
but FUCK my biological family
they all can go burn in hell cause i dont even
give a flying fucking shit!!!!!

i need

2007-02-25T03:00:51Z

to go call gina.
i just had the most eye
opening night.
i think i found someone.
but i want to take it slow.
<3

i never write in here anymore.
but im going to start writing more i think.

its time to move on.
i am moving on.

i think i like where im at right now.
but im not sure. i havent decided.

ill write more laterzzz.

so now

2007-02-18T16:54:24Z

i am going to make a list of everything i want to accomplish:
-loose weight
-make dance team
and become a better dancer
-eat healthier
-find a boy
-remember things that i have learned
-learn as much as possible
-get straight a's
-be even nicer
-dont get in any fights

and ill keep adding as it comes to me (:
theres so much shit that has been going on
i dont feel like typing it all.
but basically to sum it all up;
i want a boy
that will treat me like anduu did.
i miss gina.
i had so much fun at a show last night
and met people i had already met
but we didnt remember until we started talking.
(people from churchill)
saw kameron and jordyn, they havent changed much.
smithson valley is alright. kind of annoying now though.
i feel really weird. teh end.

K so pretty damn much

2007-02-06T01:46:06Z

ive decided
i really hate
"scene"
like it was funny but now
its annoying.
like fo reals, iam not scene
nor do i want to be apart of it.
first of all because
they all do the same thing,
say the same thing.
not to mention they all
LOOK THE EXACT SAME!!
ewww haha

get over it people.
iam not scenee.
there is no such thing anymore, K?
:D

i hope

2007-02-04T03:32:37Z

god knows that i wont give up
i wont eat ANYTHING until
i start loosing weight
and then ill slowly start eating again.
i hate my body.
i hate being fat.
fuck being ugly.
i wish i could have plastic sugery.
FUCK being FUGLY :(

but

2007-02-02T23:47:20Z

"cause ive seen love die
way too many times when it deserved
to be alive."

why why why.
it died and i cant get over it.
we deserved to be ~~in love~~ at least alive.
i sound so selfish right now but i dont really
give a shit.
dont tell me i dont know what love is
this is love
it is
you tell me it isnt.
this is no longer an infatuation.
bullshit;

=l

im so sick

2007-02-02T02:13:12Z

i hate having the flu =l

and im just so sick of.....
the whole food thing too.
i wish i could just be happy.
ive starved myself way too many
fcking nights just to feel so sad again.

i only ever felt comfortable once in my life.
and that was with him.
and im afraid
ill never find that comfort again.

alright

2007-01-28T19:40:53Z

i havent written in here for a couple days now
for two reasons:
one because iam just too lazy. :)

two because i just dont know exactly what
i want to say.
like, i have this really weird feeling.
im happy, but at the same time im starting to feel
like i did in middle school, which was anything
but happy.
i dont want to be sad though. =l
i dont know.
and i REALLY dont know what i would do without gina.
seriously, i call her for every little thing now.
shes probably sick of it, and i wouldnt blame her.
sometimes i feel like i dont deserve her.
shes the best in the world. and she deserves the best
in the world.
i feel so..... blank. like, its really hard for me
to express a feeling right now.
i have no clue what i am saying or what i am doing.
iam an idiot hahaha.
but anyways.
ooooo i just found out a couple days ago im highly
susceptible to cancer. for the idiots, it means i have a really
high risk of getting cancer. and its all because of this:
The p53 gene like the Rb gene, is a tumor suppressor gene, i.e.
its activity stops the formation of tumors. If a person inherits
only one functional copy of the p53 gene from their parents,
they are predisposed to cancer and usually develop several
independent tumors in a variety of tissues in early adulthood.
This condition is rare, and is known as Li-Fraumeni syndrome.

yeah so pretty much, it runs in my family.
fantastic.
<3

soo

2007-01-26T03:53:30Z

thank god tomorrows friday.
this week has been hell.
i keep fcking up :(
grgrgarekgoekrgaerg';las

yeeah.

i think ill actually go to bed early
tonight,
so ill write more tomorrow.
<3

oh and

2007-01-23T00:59:44Z

to everyboy i hate at this exact moment:
i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you

go fuck a million girls.
get aids. kill yourself. go die.

well

2007-01-22T22:32:58Z

today was long.
school was gay.
i felt less nervous.
although i dont know why.
i finally talked to gabriel,
this cute guy in my class:D
and we were looking at funny stuff
on some website.
and then there was this condom
with a nike sign on it and it said
just do it.
hahahkajgakl;jgdakhs
anyways.
tomorrow is tryouts for a competition dance.
i hope i make it.
im gonna go practice.
and then eat. i havent eaten all freakin
day.
then more homework.
gosh i hope im not failing =/
<3